"I will not leave you as orphans". This is a verse that has always spoken to me, but even more so as I have come to realize that I want to adopt someday. I know this is an advocacy blog, but I need a place where I can write out my thoughts and hopes for my future and my (hopeful) journey with adoption.
I am going to tell you about an experience I had today. I will not go into detail because these are not my children nor is their adoption story mine to tell, but something happened that has put adoption on my heart now more than ever, and I truly believe its a calling from God.
This week I had the pleasure of babysitting THREE adorable kiddos with Down Syndrome all adopted from Bulgaria. The eldest of them is completely nonverbal and has an autism diagnosis as well as other health issues (we'll call him D), the middle child is minimally verbal and has lots of negative behaviors (we'll call him S), and the youngest is a minimally verbal precious little girl (we'll call her C). All of these children stole my heart in one way or another, and i've always been one to see past the diagnosis, and see them as children, so that wasn't an issue for me. I loved and held all three of these kids, but it was the middle child, S, who I seemed to be closest to.
I won't go into detail about S' behaviors because again, it's not my child nor my story to tell, but he does have some behaviors, mostly attention seeking, that I believe probably came from trauma and just growing up in an orphanage setting. Let me tell you though, despite all this, this child was SO loving and just such a great kid! Though i've always wanted to adopt, i've been afraid because of all the stories i've heard about how trauma can impact children, which of course all adoptees have trauma to a certain extent, but the reality of RAD and trauma based behaviors did concern me. How would I care for a child who is aggressive or detached? Well, this sweet boy proved me wrong. While yes, I did have to do some wrangling here and there, as a special educator and someone who has literally been around people with disabilities since I myself was two years old (two of my cousins, one with Down Syndrome the other with severe autism), I have seen (and probably dealt with) just about every behavior you can imagine. However, this was this first child I had dealt with (to my knowledge) who's negative behaviors were most likely influenced by trauma. At first I wasn't sure how to respond, with other children and negative behaviors I am usually more stern and straightforward, but I found what worked best with S was to be stern, but loving. He repeatedly signed "friend" while I was with him, and smiled big when I asked him if we were friends. He loved to show me his collection of toy trucks, and let me tell you, this child may only be able to verbalize basic words and phrases, but hE GETS HIS POINT ACROSS! The amount of signs and gestures he did, he practically ran the house LOL. A feisty and bossy Bulgarian American! Meeting S showed me that yes, I CAN handle hard behaviors, but it is always so worth it. If he was still living in an orphanage in Bulgaria, he probably wouldn't have as much language as he does now, nor would he have all the opportunities that he has in a family! He probably would be engaging in much worse behaviors. When S had a negative behavior, I would sign "Stop" and say it at the same time, and he repeated it. Children with disabilities may behave a certain way or may not have the words to communicate verbally, but they 100% understand what's happening around them, and in most cases, they know right from wrong. Here in America, D, S, and C now have the chance to not only be a part of a family, but to go to school, get weekly therapies, watch TV, eat pizza, popcorn, cake, and have toys all their own! They get to live as regular children!
I'm so glad that God put this family and these three amazing children in my life. All children need love, a home, and a support system, and they can't get that in an orphanage. D, S, and C showed me that no matter how hard things get, love and family will always triumph. I pray that I will be able to adopt children with special needs of my own one day. The greatest gift is one of love and family.
I want to link below a page on my blog to waiting children with Down Syndrome. These children are living in orphanages, institutions, and foster homes all over the world, still waiting for their forever families. It's not too late for them to have the same reality that D, S, and C have now. Please don't keep them waiting for that opportunity.
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| Me and S |
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