The Truth About Adoption

 The Truth

    I am writing this right now, because it is something that has been on my mind all day. I have tons to do, but instead, I can't help but think about the thousands upon thousands of children out there needing families. 

    Let me start by saying I have never adopted. Until I am eligible, I advocate for children who need forever families, with a focus on those internationally with significant medical or developmental needs. I would love to adopt one day, and it is something I have wanted to do since I was a child.

    I may not be adopted, nor have I ever adopted a child, but I know several people who are, including special needs adoptions internationally. My younger cousins are adopted out of US foster care, and I have one cousin who is in process of being adopted from US foster care. These children have been apart of my family for several years now. I soon will begin babysitting for THREE children with Down Syndrome and autism adopted from Bulgaria. My biological brother has Down Syndrome, and goes to a school with several adopted children, including 3 children with Down Syndrome adopted from Poland, and 1 child with Down Syndrome adopted from Bulgaria. The founders of his school also founded an adoption grant organization, Angels in Disguise. I go to church with a young woman i've known my entire life (she is just 2 years older than I) who has significant cerebral palsy and was adopted domestically. I have a friend from high school who was born premature and blind and also has an autism diagnosis who was adopted as an infant from Peru. I used to work at a preschool for children with autism and other developmental special needs, many of which, you guessed it, are ADOPTED, including the SWEETEST little Korean boy you ever could meet! 

    My first REAL experience with international adoption actually began with that little Korean boy. He came to the US around the same time I began working there, and was about 2 years of age. All day everyday, this child would cry, and cry, and cry. He has a diagnosis of autism, and I can't imagine coming to a country at such a young age, where everything looks different, sounds different, and surrounded by strangers, to make it worse for a little toddler who knows zero English. Every day when the children would lay down for naptime, he got a bottle of milk to help him fall asleep, as typical for children in Korea. Everyday for lunch, he mostly only ate rice. I shockingly was only one of the staff who could console this child, picking him up, holding him, and rubbing his back as he softly cried. This was one of the most impactful experiences for me that made me realize I wanted to adopt a child with special needs internationally. 

    Adoption is hard. Adoption is TRAUMA, whether we want to believe it or not. In a perfect world, every mother and/or father should be able to care for their children with quality resources and capabilities. Unfortunately this world is not perfect, so the next best thing is to have children live with biological relatives. If none are available, the children are available then for domestic adoption in their home country. If they go so long without ever being chosen, even in their own country, (depending on the rules of said country), they are then available for international adoption as a last resort. We pray that it never gets to this point, and that every child will be reunified with relatives in their home countries. 

    The truth about adoption is that it is extremely traumatic, taking a child away from everything and everyone they know and placing them in a new environment, even if that may be the best decision for them. 

    I pray that one day when I do become an adoptive parent, I can be mindful of the experiences of these children with their first families, biological families, and foster families if applicable. I pray that I can be the best advocate that I can be, so more children can find loving homes. THERE ARE NO UNWANTED CHILDREN, JUST UNFOUND FAMILIES.

Myself and my little cousin Kaz, who has been in my family as a foster child since he was a couple weeks old, and then adopted as a toddler. He has developmental delays (mostly speech) likely associated with his rough start and relationship with his birth mother, but I am so lucky I get to call him my cousin. His older brother Jaylen is also adopted from foster care and has severe ADHD likely caused by drug use from his birth mother. Another cousin of mine, B, is currently in process of being adopted from foster care. 

Christmas 2021